i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
