So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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