He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
