pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
