i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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