The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This is classic penis vs brain.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
