He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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