..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
