She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
