I am puke
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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