I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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