the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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