Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
