I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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