I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
