Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
