i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
