I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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