We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
