You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
