They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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