Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
