so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
