I want to stick my p in your. b.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
