...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
