Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
