turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
