oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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