I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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