You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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