I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
