My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
