plz talk dirty to me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
