I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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