Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
