"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
