having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
