If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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