I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
