I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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