I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
