remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
