I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
