areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
