I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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