i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
