turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
