So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
