She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
