it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
