I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
