Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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