On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
